A quick guide on the escalating levels of response to a cyberbullying incident
Talk to your child
Caution them about responding “in kind.” This is not a time for them to lash out or start a cyberwar themselves. See if they think they know the identity of the cyberbully or cyberbullies. See if this is related to an offline bullying situation, and deal with that quickly. And don’t confuse the language most kids use online with cyberbullying. It may be shocking to us, but unless it is shocking to your child, it’s not cyberbullying.
Ignore it
A one time, seemingly unthreatening act, like a prank or mild teasing should probably be ignored. (If it’s a threat, you must report it.) At the same time, you may want to consider using some preventive measures:
Restrict the people who can send you communications
Consider restricting all incoming communications to pre-approved senders, such as those on your child’s buddy list. (If the cyberbully is someone on their buddy list, though, this method won’t help. In that case the cyberbully will have to be removed from the buddy list and/or blocked.)
Restrict others from being able to add your child to their buddy list
Cyberbullies track when your child is online by using buddy lists, and similar tracking programs. It will let them know when one of their “buddies” is online, when they are inactive and, in some cases, where they are. This is like adding a tracking device to your child’s online ankle, allowing their cyberbullies ot find them more easily and target them more effectively. This feature is usually found in the privacy settings or parental controls of a communications program.
Google Your Child
Make sure that the cyberbully isn’t posting attacks online. When you get an early warning of a cyberbullying campaign, it is essential that you keep an eye on your child’s screen name, nick names, full name, address, telephone and cell numbers and websites. You can also set up an “alert” on Google to notify you whenever anything about your child is posted online. To learn more about “Googling” yourself or your child, read “Google Yourself!”
Block the sender
Someone who seems aggressive, or makes you uncomfortable and does not respond to verbal please or formal warnings should be blocked. This way, they will not be able to know when you are online or be able to contact you through instant messaging.
Even if the communicates are not particularly aggressive or threatening, if they are annoying or, block the sender. (Most ISPs and instant messaging programs have a blocking feature to allow you to prevent the sender from getting through.)
“Warn” the sender
If the cyberbully uses another screen name to avoid the block, otherwise manages to get through or around the block or communicates through others, “warn” them, or “notify” the ISP. (This is usually a button on the IM application.) This creates a record of the incident for later review, and if the person is warned enough, they can lose their ISP or instant messenger account. (Unfortunately, many cyberbullies use “warning wars” or “notify wars” to harass their victims, by making it appear the victim is really the cyberbully. This is a method of cyberbullying by proxy, getting the ISP to be an unwitting accomplice of the cyberbullying.)
Report it to the Site
If the cyberbulluying is posted on a website, such as Xanga’s profiles, reach out and report it to us at [insert link]. The instructions on how to report a cyberbullying post are located at [insert link]. Xanga does not permit any harassment of its users and will take prompt action to remove an offending post, once the posts have been reviewed.
Report to School
Most cases of cyberbullying occur off school grounds and outside of school hours. In the , often the school has no legal authority to take action relating to an off-premises and off-hours activity, even if it has an impact on the welfare of their students. The laws are tricky, and vary jurisdiction by jurisdiction. So while you should notify the school (especially if your child suspects whom is behind the attacks), they may not be able to take disciplinary action. They can keep any eye on the situation in school, however. And since many cyberbullying incidents are combined with offline bullying incidents, your child may be safer because of the report.
Also, while the school may have limited authority over disciplining the cyberbully, they can call the parents in and try and mediate the situation. They can also institute an educational and awareness program to help stop further cyberbullying by students, and to help educate parents about the problem.
Report to Police
Someone who threatens you physically, who is posting details about your or your child’s offline contact information or instigating a cyberbullying by proxy campaign should be reported to the police. Run through the checklist we have on how to tell the difference between annoying and dangerous cyberbullying communications (although you should err on the side of caution and report anything that worries you.) Using a monitoring program, such as Spectorsoft, can facilitate the investigation and any eventual prosecution by collecting and preserving electronic evidence. Print-outs, while helpful in explaining the situation, are generally not admissible evidence. If you feel like your child, you or someone you know is in danger, contact the police immediately and cut off contact with this person or user, staying offline if need be until you are otherwise instructed. Do not install any programs, or remove any programs or take other remedial action on your computer or communication device during this process. It may adversely affect the investigation and any eventual prosecution.
Report it to ISP
Most cyberbullying and harassment incidents violate the ISP’s terms of service. These are typically called a “TOS violation” (for a “terms of service” violation, and can have serious consequences for the account holder. Many ISPs will close a cyberbully’s account (which will also close their parents’ household account in most cases.) You should report this to the sender’s ISP, not yours. (For more information about how to make a report, read “Making a Report to Their ISP.” If you use a monitoring software, like Spectorsoft, this is much easier.)
If your child’s account has been hacked or their password compromised, or if someone is posing as your child, you should make a formal report to your ISP as well. You can call them or send an e-mail to their security department (NOT their terms of service reportline). But before changing your password, you should scan your computer for any hacking programs or spyware, such as a Trojan horse. If one is on your computer, the cyberbully may be able to access the new password. Most good anti-virus programs can find and remove a hacking program. All spyware applications can. We recommend SpyBot Search and Destroy (a freeware) or Ad-Aware (by Lavasoft, they have a free “lite” program).
Take Legal Action
Many cases of cyberbullying (like their adult cyber-harassment equivalent) are not criminal. They may come close to violating the law, but may not cross the line. Most of the time, the threat of closing their ISP or instant messaging account is enough to make things stop. But sometimes, either because the parents want to make an example of the cyberbully or because it isn’t stopping, lawyers need to be brought in. It may also be the only way you can find out whom is behind the attacks.
This is not the time to call your local real estate or general practice lawyer. You’ll need someone expert in cyber-harassment cases and experienced with cyber-forensics. These lawyers can be pretty expensive and most of the time, you cannot sue the cyberbully (or their family) for the attorneys fees as well. Think carefully before you decide to take this kind of action. Even if you win in the end, it may take you two or three years to get there and cost you tens of thousands of dollars. You may be angry enough to start it, but make sure that you have something more than anger to sustain the long months and years of litigation.
Quick guide to what to do if your child is being cyberbullied
Your actions have to escalate as the threat and hurt to your child does. But there are two things you must consider before anything else. Is your child at risk of physical harm or assault? And how are they handling the attacks emotionally?
If there is any indication that personal contact information has been posted online, or any threats are made to your child, you must run…do not walk, to your local law enforcement agency. Take a print-out of all instances of cyberbullying to show them, but note that a print-out is not sufficient to prove a case of cyber-harassment or cyberbullying. You’ll need electronic evidence and live data for that. (You may want to answer the questions on our checklist for helping spot the difference between annoying communications and potentially dangerous ones. But remember, if in doubt, report it.)
Let the law enforcement agency know that the trained cyber-harassment volunteers at WiredSafety.org will work with them (without charge) to help them find the cyberbully offline and to evaluate the case. It is crucial that all electronic evidence is preserved to allow the person to be traced and to take whatever action needs to be taken. The electronic evidence is at risk for being deleted by the Internet service providers unless you reach out and notify them that you need those records preserved. The police or volunteers at WiredSafety.org can advise you how to do that quickly.
Using a monitoring product, like Spectorsoft, collects all electronic data necessary to report, investigate and prosecute your case (if necessary). While hopefully you will never need it, the evidence is automatically saved by the software in a form useable by law enforcement when you need it without you having to learn to log or copy header and IP information.
Be supportive of your child during this time. You may be tempted to give the “stick and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you” lecture, but words and cyberattacks can wound a child easily and have a lasting effect. These attacks follow them into your otherwise safe home and wherever they go online. And when up to 700 million accomplices can be recruited to help target or humiliate your child, the risk of emotional pain is very real, and very serious. Don’t brush it off.
Let the school know so the guidance counselor can keep an eye out for in-school bullying and for how your child is handling things. You may want to notify your pediatrician, family counselor or clergy for support if things progress. It is crucial that you are there to provide the necessary support and love. Make them feel secure. Children have committed suicide after having been cyberbullied, and in
Also, don’t overreact. Most children will avoid telling their parents about a cyberbullying incident fearing they will only make things worse.
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